What am I? .... Valuable!!!

2011-08-16T09:48:00.002-05:00

So it is official - Tim and I are engaged. If you want to read about it and follow along with the ups and downs go to http://www.tands2012.blogspot.com/

2010-04-07T14:36:00.000-05:00

I always say that I will keep up with blogging. But sometimes it gets forgotten. The beginning of this year has been crazy busy. Just before Christmas, I received a call from LeTourneau's GAPs program. They needed a teacher to teach Texas and the American West starting February 23. So I rushed around trying to take care of all the paper work needed and my teaching demonstration. Missouri State sent my transcript to the wrong person so there was a hunt on LU's campus looking for it. While doing all this to become an official professor for the GAPS, I was taking two classes for my teaching certificate. It was a crazy month. I had to do my homework which involved lesson plans and assessments and I had to prepare my first lesson for Texas and the American West. The first night I was so nervous. But as the weeks went on I became more comfortable. I used a lot of techniques from my various teaching classes. The students loved it. I have heard from a lot of them that they enjoyed the class and that they want to have more classes with me. I personally enjoyed teaching the class. I was offered another class this summer -Early American history. For me, this is my favorite time period. I cannot wait!!!!!

I am finishing my last class for my teaching certificate. I am registered to take LU's practice content exam in May. I hope to have my certificate this summer. In a few weeks, Longview ISD is holding a job fair. I am going to go to that and see about a teaching job there. Whenever hallsville has one, I will be going to that one too.

While teaching the GAPs class, I have really been thinking about going back and getting my PhD. I know for a fact that I need to be teaching college. So I have looked into Texas Christian University. They have a really good doctoral program. I will want to start in Fall 2011. I would have to take my GRE so I need to be studying for that this summer. I know my life revolves around school again. But I just like school too much!!!!

2010-02-15T09:52:00.000-06:00

I thought I would do better at posting, but I have not. I am going to try better though.

After years of trying, I accepted a adjunct teaching postition at LeTourneau. The position is for the adult program, but it is a teaching position nevertheless. I am excited. My first class is next Tuesday. This class deals with Texas and the American West. There is a lot of information to cover, and I hope I can teach the material and not look like I am clueless.

Last week, Tim's mom house was broken into. For those that do not know it, I stay with here. They came in right after she left to go to work. The neighbor saw two guys with hoodies coming from the back of the house. They left when she saw them, but that was not before the made off with a lot of stuff. What makes me upset is that the neighbor did not call the police right then and there. I wish she had. These punks took off with the computer tower, the tv, the dvd/vcr combo, tim's unopened wet vac (his christmas gift from his sister), sheets and blankets, some of my clothes, an old cell phone, and some of Tim's mom's jewerly (that cannot be replaced). That first night no one slept. I know I was still awake at 4. Every little noise woke me up even the heat turning on and off. It has gotten better to sleep, but still the tiniest noises are waking me up. I am constantly checking over my shoulder making sure there is no one following me. I no longer feel safe there, and I am sure Tim's mom feels the same. Whenever these people get caught, I would like to give them a piece of my mind. I would also like them to pay for all these emotions and for taking away my feeling of being safe. It is going to take some time to not think about it while trying to fall asleep, but I am sure one day it will be just an incident that I do not dwell on.

2009-12-11T11:39:00.000-06:00

Well, the day finally came. I think I am almost a Texan.

I realized that last night when Tim and I went to Michael Martin Murphy's Cowboy Christmas presentation at LU. I really did enjoy the cowboy songs and the music. We have also been attending a Cowboy Church. We haven't figured out which one fits us right.

In addition to that I am really into tractors and earth moving machines (thansk to Tim)

What is keeping me from being a full Texan is that twang and the use of "fixin' and ya'll." I haven't brought myself to using their language yet.

Anyways, back to last night show, one word for you - amazing. I have been wanting to see it for the past three years, but the tickets have always been extremely high at $50 a ticket. However this year for LU staff, faculty, and students, you could buy tickets for $5 on the day of the show. I thought it was a steal of a price. The music was really good. You should have seen and heard the fiddle players. I don't think I could play that fast on the violin, but maybe on the piano. I really enjoyed the stories he told. He was talking about a cowboy going to look for his Christmas tree. I pretty much did what he talked about last weekend looking for my Christmas tree. I took my hand saw and walked Tim's land until finding two perfect trees, one for his house and one for his mom's house. Tim just watched as I cut the trees down. I was able to drag one back to the truck. For the other one, it was two big and Tim had to help me. Last night's story about walking through the woods and dragging a tree back was an experience I could relate to.

2009-12-09T10:18:00.002-06:00

Guess who is back!!! ME!!!

I know I have been a slacker. Just recently I have gain access to the internet on a daily basis. I guess I should catch everyone up with my life. It has been up and down since moving here. I had a hard time finding a job. I tried working in food service at the hospital, but when I was told no to going and visiting my dying grandmother after been told yes, I quit. I then went to working at McDonalds as a manager. It was not what I was expecting. I was working 60 hours a week and constantly not feeling well because of no sleep. I then moved over to Chick-fil-a. I had a plast there. I met wonderful people, both coworkers and customers. I worked there for a little over two years, before I was offered a job as a secretary for a program funded by the department of education. I have been here for almost 3 months. I don't mind it. It is a lot different than working fast food. However, I still want to teach. I have been working on my certification to teach history at the high school level. Tho I really want to teach at the college level, I have to start somewhere.

I figured I will start writing again as a way for me to express my opinions especially of what our government is doing and to give updates on my life.

2008-01-28T21:59:00.000-06:00

I guess I will write some since I have the time to. The past 6 months or so since moving to Longview has been an up and down one. I have had three jobs since moving here. The first two did not last long at all. I never signed on to work 12 hours or more days. So, I looked and found another job that I enjoy. I am working at Chickfila. It is really fun. I could not ask for a better boss or hours. I am working 7-3 Monday thru friday. What could be better than that? Oh, I teaching job would be. But until things get straightened out with my thesis. I can't teach. I have a teaching job at LU. All I need is paper to be done.

I was able to go home in september and spend some time with the family. My grandma was supposed to come out and visit but she was just too weak. About 2 weeks latter I went to the East coast for her funeral. It was good to see and catch up with cousins again. I was only there for three days but it totally did not seem like three days. I took the last flight out of DFW and arrived in Philly after midnight. It took me a while when I returned to get caught up on sleep. Tim picked me up in dallas when I returned. He went ahead and took me out to eat and spent some time there because my birthday was the next day. Also that same weekend, my brother got engaged. She is a wonderful girl and I am so exxcited.

The holidays came. I was sad to not be able to spend them with my family. But I am thankful to have been able to spend them with Tim and his family. Christmas was fun. I was able to get to know his brother and his wife better. :) After Christmas, the weather turned really nasty. Havent been able to do a whole lot outside, but I try to when I can.

Things between Tim and I are going great. Like any relationship it has its good days and bad days. We have definately stayed busy. Over MLK weekend, we went to arkansas and experience three days of below 32 degree temperatures. We have had access to a backhoe. Those are soo much fine. I have learned a great deal of things from Tim. I am also helping him out in so many ways. His interests are soo exciting and intriguing. They are also becoming my interests very quickly.

Well thats about it for now. Bed time. Work tomorrow.

2007-09-10T16:31:00.000-05:00

I am still alive. I have been extremely busy here. I don't know really where to start except to say call me if you want to know what has been going on. I don't have a consistent access to the internet.

2007-06-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

I only have one more day of work. I can't wait. I am extremely excited. I will still miss those that I work with, but not the job.

Today was an interesting day. Well interesting might not be the best word to use, but it was a good day after work. I was able to talk to this guy about my age who works at olive garden. He and I compare our working policies and people we work with. Well today we had a really good talk. He just ended a relationship due to decit and lying. He shared a lot of stuff. I really enjoy talking to him. I encouraged him and took his mind off his recent break up. You would think that he is your normal guy. But he isnt. He is different to put it nicely. But he is quickly becoming a really good friend. I told him to call me or IM me if he is ever feeling lonely. He really appreciated that offer. I also told him even though I am in Texas, we could still talk. and that he is welcomed to visit if he ever needed a place to get away to. Theresa and I will be visiting him at work to support him and help him out but giving him a good tip.

My apartment is pretty much cleaned and packed. the only thing left is my bedroom. It is almost done too. I am so excited that everything is coming along just fine :)

2007-06-04T17:20:00.000-05:00

I only have seven more days of work. I would have six but I decided to pick up a whole another shift. They needed the help and its overtime hours. I am excited. The end is near. I have looking forward to this day for who knows how long. But it is finally here. I am going to miss those that I work with, but definately not the job.

Tim has made it make to Longview. We had a really deep conversation yesterday. We talked about things that we both need to work on and how we can help each other with those things. We also talked about rules and ideas for what to do when I am down there. We do not want our lives to revolve around each other. We still want to be able to hang out with friends. I am looking forward to finding out about coaching youth soccer and possiblyworking with teen girls through scouting. I want to have girls nights with lisa and esther. I learn so much from those two and I want to continue to learn about things from them.

I haven't heard anything back on any jobs yet. but I have received a teaching application for east texas christian school that I am working on filling out. It will take a while because there are a lot of essays that I have to write.

2007-05-31T20:02:00.000-05:00

Last night I heard from Tim. I was so excited. As much as I get down and sad when I dont hear from him, just hearing his voice and him calling makes me feel so loved and so cared for. I can't wait for him to get back to longview. He will be in longview saturday night. Which means that I will be able to call him sunday. He is playing farmer driving huge tractors and plows. There is something about him that just draves me crazy for him. :)

Work was ok today. Lydia received my two weeks notice. She was sad cause I am leaving. But they all know that I am going onto bigger and better things. :)

Im off to bed. Im tired. Its hot and humid here to.

2007-05-30T10:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday for the first time since we started dated, Tim and I did not call me. I stayed up late in hope that he would call, but I was let down yet again. The last time that we did not talk was back in march/april last year when I did not want to talk to him cause I was scared. We had been talking on and off at that point. We agreed on a weekend for him to come up and visit and hang out. I was excited to get to see him again. However, when he arrived and came to work, I was scared out of my mind. I was cold to him then. When he called the next couple of days, I ignored him. I eventually did call him on his way home. He did not sound happy with me. I then stopped talking to him because I thought he was angry and did not want to talk to me. He tried to email me, and I did answer a few of them. But I never picked up the phone to call him. The only phone call I received from him was letting me know that he received my new phone number. It wasn't till I received a card from him that I realize that he was still there for me. However, when I tried to call him, he did not answer his phone. I thought I lost him. That was only a week and half before we started dating. Since then, we have talked every single day. So yesterday when he did not call, my mind went back to those days.

Mom says that I should not rely on Tim to make me happy and other things that I don't remember exactly. I don't think I do. I just want to talk to him. Its hard to not talk to the one you care for and the one you love. In order for a relationship to grow, you have to have our time. I believe that Tim and I need to have our time in order to grow and get to know each other on a different level. I did know that going into the week that Tim is in Montana that I might not get to talk to him. At first he wanted me to go all week without talking to him. But I threw a fit about that. So he said that he would call when he can. When he said that, I thought that he would call at night before going to bed every night. I did not expect no phone calls on certain days.

2007-05-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

Here is another thing that I have written. I hope you enjoy.

What is love?
One can never know what it is
Till it hits them in the face.
The heart goes crazy
When that person is around.
It does summersaults and
Other things that are to hard
To explain, but only that person
Can only understand.

Love is all about sacrificing
Giving of yourself, of your time,
But most of all, you give your dreams up
In order to help the other person
Accomplish their dreams.
Their dreams soon become your dreams.

Love is Patient.
Over looks the bad.
Sees only the good.
Love makes the person
Strive to be the best they can be.

I am excited. Tim and I are working together on another little prose about our lives. He has some wonderful ideas that came from a restless night. I really like hearing his ideas and how to improve when I write about us. However, the only downside is when it comes to my writing is that I have to feel very emotional or care about someone very deeply. That is the only time I can write. Everything I write comes from that. My writing has to deal with what I am going thru. If you ever want to read a story that I am working on let me know and I will send it to you.

2007-05-29T15:55:00.001-05:00

It has been a couple of days since Tim left. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing about him. But oh well. He is very important to me and I wish he was back in longview. I also wish that I was in Longview too.

I called the utility company, my land line company to cancel my services. I also put in a change of address in. I am getting more and more excited. I can't believe the day is getting closer to when I get to move. Amidst being excited about moving and being closer to tim, I am scared deep down. Scared that I am not going to be able to get a job. Scared that something will happen to Tim and I. But Tim keeps telling me that I should not be scared about what the future brings. That I should enjoy living in the present. I do enjoy the present to a certain extent. I enjoy my relationship with Tim. But I do not enjoy where I am at and my job. Sometimes looking forward to the future helps me to get through the present. Yeah when Tim does talk he says things that stick out in my mind and I listen. I am trying to stay strong for Tim. I do not know if he notices, but I hope he does.

I am heads over heels for Tim. Everyone probably knows that now and notices things like that. Everyone says the heart grows fonder with distance. I say thats true. Oh it is so true. My heart aches for Tim so much.

As each day passes, the day gets closer for his return to Longview. Each day, I am in a better mood. Not knowing does not help me. By my knowing if he is going to call or not going to call helps me. I have no idea if that makes any sense. But it is true.

I am trying to distract myself from school. I am always thinking of Tim and I can't focus on school. But I want to make him proud of me. So off I go to finish.

2007-05-27T18:27:00.000-05:00

day two of tim being in montana. Yeah for him calling me today. i was limited to an hour but still have no idea when I will talk to him again. I am still trying to not get too emotional but it is so hard not to. I miss just being able to pick up the phone when work was bad or im sick and tired of work and springfield. I can't wait to be able to do that again.

The count down of days of work left has started. I can't wait. :)

2007-05-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

Well, this morning Tim left for Montana for his brother's wedding. Unfortunately I was unable to go :( and I really want to go. I have no idea when I will talk to Tim again. He has not promised to call me at any specific time or anything like that. It makes me really sad not knowing when I will talk to him. I can already feel not talking to him. Today worked totally sucked and I just wanted to call him when I got off work, but I could not because he was flying and things like that. :( I have no idea if he will call me tonight. I also do not that I can't call him at all. I have no number for him (his cell phone does not have reception in east montana.)

in other news, I am putting my two weeks notice in at work for june 15th. They aren't going to be happy but I need to do whats best for me and whats best for me is to leave here. I am excited to be leaving. But the day can't come fast enough for me. I have a new address. Well going to be using tim's and he says thats fine with him. Let me know if you want it.

2007-05-24T17:03:00.000-05:00

well, I graduated :) i tried posting some pictures but they did not go thru...will try again later

2007-05-02T11:08:00.000-05:00

I wrote this a few months ago and thought I would share it with everyone.

There once was a boy who had big dreams
Dreams of trees, sun, and the great outdoors.
People tried to keep this little boy inside,
But they never succeeded. When
Asked where the little boy is, the response was always
"Outside somewhere. he will be back for food."
The little boy thought life was grand.
He had his outdoors and dreamed of tractors
In his outdoors. Tried to build them. But
Nothing was like the real thing. He made
A promise to himself,
"One day I will own a real tractor."

Life did not go as planned for the now teenage boy.
He lost his hero in life. He no longer had direction.
Trying to find the perfec place to escape to.
He needed to greive in his own way and time.
He searched high and low. He saw the beach,
But there was something missing. He saw the
Plains of Montana, but again there was something
Missing. He visited the big city, but decided
Within the hour, it was not the place for him.
He stopped for a visit in the mountains. Although
it felt better than the other places, it still
Was not perfect.

When the now adult bot thought all hope was lost,
He hung is head down low, defeated.
He happened to look up and a smile slowly crept
Across his face in realization of what he found:
He found the perfect place.
Tuck in the mountains of Arkansas was a camp
Who desperately needed someone like him. The
Camp had seen better days. Now needed some
Tender loving attention. The camp looked like the
Adult boy felt - lost, forgotten, alone.

The adult boy felt life coming back into him as he walked
Among the trees, the overgrown brush, and the
Delapalated buildings. This was his new home.
He put on his worn out jeans, grabbed his hammer
And some nails and went to work.

As he pulled out nails, he felt a little of his anger
And bitterness leave him. The more nails he
Pulled the better he felt.
As he built the camp back into a wonderful sigh
Each nail was hammered with care. Each cabin was
Rebuilt with love. He was feeling better every day.
He now had a purpose in life. He wanted to
Help others find happiness and a place to greive.

Over time, the camp became a safe-haven
For others like him. In order to keep up
With the mowing, he finally bought himself
A real tractor.
Even amidst his happiness, there was the occassional
thought: "I wish my hero was here."
He missed his hero who he loved so much.
An encouraging thought entered his mind:
"Son, I will always love you.
I am so proud of you!."
His dad was still there with him.

His dad was still with him when he visited the beach.
He was there in the pplains of Montana.
He was even there in the big city.
But the adult boy was consumed in his grief
That he was blind. Once that grief was gone
He was able to see his dad in himself.

He took a walk in the woods and under a huge tree
He knelt and prayed,
"Dear God, You have blessed me so much. In my
Anger and bitterness, I did not see it. Thanks for
What you have done for me. From this day
Forth, I dedicate my life and this camp to you.
I am here to be used according to your will."

Written for my best friend in the world whom I care for so much.

2007-04-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

Today has totally sucked. I went to bed thinking everything was going smoothly with my paper. This morning, I woke up to find two email messages in my box. One was from the lone hold out on my paper. He pretty muched trashed my paper and came across as it being junk. He wants to take my paper in a totally different direction than what I desire it to be taken. Because of that, another one of my committee members decided to switch sides and would not sign it. My chair does not understand what is going on. He thinks that I am caught up with deparment politics. Neither one of my friends here on campus understands what is going on. I talked to the head of the history department and explained what was going on. He said that he will talk to my committee. My paper being approved is not a voting processes but a concensus of my committee members. Hopefully, he will make some headway with them. I also emailed the head of the graduate college explaining what is going on. He is allowing me to still walk in May because I am moving this summer. He offered great encouragement too which I really needed. My hold up is my committee. The progress I thought I was making was dashed in two emails early this morning. I can't eat. I am so stressed out about this. I do not understand why my lone hold out waited so long to get back to me. I had been emailing him since spring break my paper. Before that I was emailing him asking for direction for my comps. Everytime, I went by his office to talk to him, he came across as I was bothering him and that he did not wish to discuss my paper with me. I wish that this had happened weeks even a month ago instead of three business days before the deadline for my thesis to be submitted.

2007-04-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

thought I would update this. A lot has happened since I last posted. But first, graduation is just around the corner. I am so excited. I have heard back from two of my committee members. I have their approval pending some work. I basically have to make my introduction stronger and my conclusion stronger. I still need to hear back from the other committee member. Just need to work on those two things and then turn my focus to studying for my comprehensive exams. What fun. No not really.

I can't wait to move to texas. I have applied to a couple of jobs down there. Don't know when I will hear back from them. But it would be cool to have job already lined up before moving down there. I only have 2.5 months left to my last day at mcdonalds. :) I hope to leave mcdonalds and never return there.

2007-03-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

I do not know how to explain things that are happening and that are going on right now. One thing that I have to deal with is the fact that tim and I might be out of communication for a few days well more like a week in may. I really do not want to deal with that. Part of my nightly routine is to talk to him before I go to bed. It helps me sleep. I am trying to go with him, but I have no idea if things will work out. I hope they do. But we will see.

I am also dealing with school work. I really have no motivation to do anything. But I need to focus on things that will help me get thru and finish.

2007-03-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

2007-03-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

please read and then pray for some friends....

After losing leg in Iraq, Longview soldier enters rehab in San Antonio
By MIKE ELSWICK
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Army Sgt. Paul Gillilan of Longview will have a lifelong reminder of the war in Iraq — the leg he has no more.
Gillilan and his unit in Iraq were on patrol after midnight Feb. 24 when they got hit by an improvised explosive device, according to Lt. Andrew Hightower, his platoon leader. While no one was killed, Gillilan was one of the more serious casualties, Hightower said.
"There was one man worse off — he had both his feet amputated, and he almost bled to death," said Hightower in a phone interview Friday from his outpatient room at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio.
"Paul doesn't remember anything about what happened right after the explosion," Hightower said. "As soon as we were hit, those not wounded reacted and got us out of the street and into a courtyard."
While Gillilan does not remember what took place immediately after the explosion, Hightower does.
"He was comforting one of his privates and asked him if he was a Christian," he said of Gillilan. Hightower said the private initially tried to avoid giving an answer, but Gillilan pressed him.
"'Private, it's a simple question, and either you are or you're not, and right now is a time you need to decide,'" Hightower said, paraphrasing the conversation he overheard. "When the private said he was a Christian, Paul started praying with him."
Gillilan, reached by phone Friday afternoon, said he was home-schooled and attended LeTourneau University from August 2000 through the fall of 2002. He said his wife, Melissa Bushey Gillilan, is from Longview and is a graduate of LeTourneau University.
Hightower said he has been impressed with Gillilan's faith.
"He has a lot of faith. I don't know what denomination he is, but he's definitely a Christian," Hightower said. "He's also a very intelligent guy and has put the whole thing in God's hands."
Gillilan said that when he was told he lost his leg, he was able to accept the news.
"I was able to say it's OK. I know it's in God's control," he said. Gillilan said he knows a lot of people have been sharing their support for him and others serving their nation in Iraq.
"I just want everyone to know that we really appreciate their prayers," he said. "And the care packages we got over there — from people we didn't even know — were just awesome. They were really a great morale booster."
Gillilan said that once his wound gets closed up, he should be released from the hospital and continue to be treated on an outpatient basis.
"Then I should be able to join my wife in guest quarters," he said. "She's really been awesome through all of this."
The couple's first child, expected to be a girl, is due March 31, he said.
"We're excited," Gillilan said.
Hightower said he was discharged from the hospital earlier this week, but Gillilan likely will be facing more treatment for several weeks followed by rehabilitation.
"He has a long road ahead of him but he's been in really good spirits," Hightower said. "I stop by to see him about everyday. He has his parents and his wife here, and he's doing pretty good."
The recovery, however, has not been without complications.
He had an infection in his leg, and his wound has to heal before the remaining part of his leg can be prepared for being fitted for an artificial limb.
His parents, Lewis and Janet Gillilan of Longview, were in San Antonio with their son this week. Lewis Gillilan said his son is "getting over the trauma as best he can."
Lewis Gillilan said he and his wife feel their son is getting top notch medical care.
"It's very impressive the lineup of people they have on his team," he said. Besides surgeons, his son has been visited by physical therapists, psychologist and counselors.
Lewis Gillilan said his son has been in the Army nearly four years and was serving his second tour of duty in Iraq when he was injured. The sergeant also served a tour in Korea.
Hightower said he believes Gillilan could probably remain in the Army — if he wants to.
"He was planning to transfer to military intelligence, and that should still be an option for him," he said. Gillilan said he has not made a decision on his plans after rehabilitation.
Hightower said once he gets released from outpatient status at Fort Sam Houston he anticipates taking at least 30 days convalescence leave to go home to Houston to be with his family.
"Then I hope to get back to Iraq and rejoin my unit — all my men are there," he said. Hightower said he has about seven months left on his deployment.

2007-03-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

I guess I should post something. The weather is turning to the nicer side. It is really nice outside. The warm weather is coming. I am done with that cold stuff. Theresa and I went to Texas about a month ago. We really enjoyed the trip. She got to go somewhere she hadn't been before. The trip was very relaxing. We had a campfire with a bunch of friends friday night and saturday we went to the zoo and shopping. We are planning on going back in June. Exciting stuff.

My thesis is coming along just fine. I need to have a it in a finished form by April 30th and turned into the graduate college. ICK. That deadline is coming up very very quickly. I have to have my comps taken by May 10th. Another ICK. I found out how comps work. Each professor on my committee has an hour each for the written aspect. I have questions from one of my professors. Another professor is going to derive questions from various books I have read for him. Then each professor gets 20 minutes for the oral part of the exam. It does not sound like fun.

I no longer have a roommate. I ended up kicking her out due to a number of reasons. It is definately nice to have a place back to myself. I think the next roommate I ever want to have will be a husband. :) I am tired of being used and being taken advantaged of. If she wanted to live on her own, she needed to be responsible for her bills and for herself. She also needs to grow up a lot.

On the brighter side of things, Tim and I are going to California this weekend. I am really excited. I can't wait to get out of this place. I am also excited to show Tim where I grew up. And for him to meet my family. :)

2007-02-23T14:15:00.000-06:00

just some pictures from my latest trip to texas....I will write more about it later :)

2007-02-14T07:48:00.000-06:00

I have been blessed by my roommate today. Things havent been the greatest. But we are taking strides today to make things better. I do miss her as a friend. I can't wait till we can hang out again. She was someone who was there for me when I really needed one. She is full of fun and laughter and was able to get my mind off of what I was going thru. I am going to longview today. hopefullt the weather holds up. I am so excited. I am taking theresa. Too bad ginger couldnt come :( But she has to work
:(

2007-02-10T20:19:00.000-06:00

Life seems to be calming down after last month's hiccup (as I call it). Things are moving forward and progressing. I am focusing on getting my thesis done. It is progressing the way I like it. I have to conform it to the way my advisor wants, even if its not the way I want. I like how its coming and I am playing around with the layout and the chapter topics. By the end of the month I should have a rough draft done. I am excited. I just need to focus and not get distracted.

Theresa and I will be going to texas this week. I am excited about that. i can't wait to spend time with Tim and let theresa experience texas for the first time. I think my friends will enjoy her and I think she will enjoy it.

Work sucked today. Getting chewed out by the owner so I came down on the crew because they were the result of my chewing out. I felt like that i was no body after i let someone else take shift. I felt unimportant and that i was the bottom of the totem pole. When I should be halfway up :)

2007-02-01T20:44:00.000-06:00

it snowed yet again yesterday...its still very cold....i have a headache...my paper is coming along just fine :) nice quick update

2007-01-29T17:19:00.000-06:00

i have the most amazing friends, family, and boyfriend!!!!!!!!

2007-01-26T21:54:00.000-06:00

life sux. sometimes i just want to give up the fight. i have way too much on my plate right now. i don't know how i am going to survive everything. i am on my last straw. its extremely thin too. i try so hard to stay positive and keep a smile on my face and say that things are getting to me. but thats not try. everything is getting to me. i made a mistake a couple of years ago and i am still dealing with it. i wish i did not make that mistake but i did. i thought it was all behind me but now its not. i have to deal with that and with my credit card number being stolen. I have so much writting i have to do in order to be done this semester. I have about 75 more pages. sometimes it seems like a certain someone doesn't care. maybe he just doesn't realize what i am going through and what i am feeling. but how should i tell him. he has helped me through so much, but can he help me through this. i dont know. i dont know if i want to put him through any of this. sometimes i wish he would make an out of his way trip to see me. like that will ever happen. i wish people's character and word actually mean something. My parents raised me to be of good character and my word to mean something. then why should some low life person be allow to say something that attacks a person of good character. shouldnt this low life person word not be taken seriously? I agree that that low life person is wasting their breath because a good character should not be attacked by someone who is just looking to cause trouble. people at work are getting on my nerves. there are like two especially. one should never have been made a manager because she is useless. the other should not have moved up to assistant because she doesnt not jack. she is useless to. she is so slow a snail moves faster than her. i don't like people coming and pushing me out of the way when i am doing perfectly fine. i so almost walked out today at work because of her. i dont know what to do anymore. i am at whits end just trying to get through each and every day. granted i do have great and awesome friends and family, but that doesn't seem to be enough to help me right now.

2007-01-24T20:51:00.000-06:00

well when things can't seem like they can get any worse, they do. When bad things happen why do they happen all at once. Why cant they happen just one at a time. Things started when the power went out and it just continued to build upon each other. I just want things to be ok to be good again. I dont want to deal with these bad things.

2007-01-22T19:24:00.000-06:00

Today has sucked. I am reminded of a song entitled "Bad Day" My day was a bad one. it got worse as the day progressed. It started off with things at work. then getting home and finding out that my credit card number was stolen. I had to take care of that. Before I knew it was 6pm wondering where my evening went and if my voice followed. Im lossing my voice :( and I don't like not being able to talk

2007-01-21T21:31:00.000-06:00

after 8 days of no power, i finally got my power back on. It has been extremely terrible here. Icy and cold. Rain and snow. It has sucked. I have also been working too much. I need to write my thesis. I am excited to being close to done. School was cnceled till tomorrow. :)

2007-01-10T18:30:00.000-06:00

I just got back from spending some time in longview with tim. I had so much fun while I was there. I learned a lot about myself and about Tim. I really liked taking care of him. I can't wait till we are able to build a future together. While there I got to see old friends and make new friends. i got to know matt, one of tim's friends. He is cool and I am looking forward to getting together and surprising tim :) I will be going down there next month with a bunch of friends from here. I am like so excited about that. Now I got to clean and unpack. Will write more later :)

2006-12-20T17:40:00.000-06:00

There are some days that I am still confused by someone while other days I am not. Yesterday everything was cool and then today I am confused by his actions. There are a lot of days that I feel pushed out, like I am not important. And the days I feel like that are days that I am extremely lonely. This long distance sometimes is really hard. I do have a good group of friends here, but a lot of times I am missing him. I miss hanging out with his neighborhood kids. I miss taking about a friend's kids and having fun. I miss cooking together and cleaning together or working together. Friends can only replace the lonely feeling so much. I am getting really close to one of my friends here. I am going to miss here if she moves first or if i move first. I am really looking forward to going to texas with her. I think she will enjoy it a lot.

2006-12-18T18:15:00.000-06:00

I am so confused....I do not know what to think any more...sometimes i feel that i do not hide how i am feeling...i worked over 24 hours between 9am yesterday and 2pm today...dont ask why..i know i am crazy...but i covered a friend's shift because one of her friends died in an accident...and i know she would do the same for me...i just wanted to talk to him today....did he not know that....was i not that obvious with him...when i heard about a friend of megan's dying due a car accident...memories of jesse's death came rushing back...I dont ever want to go through anything like that again....i still wonder why he was taking at such a young age....i still want to know why...i miss seeing him when i go home....sometimes i think i am slowly slipping back into being depressed...i should be happy...but right now i am not...i don't know what it is...maybe spending christmtas alone...away from my family...ginger asked me the other day what i was going to do for christmas...i really don't know...i was going to go to arkansas...but i dont know right now...i have to close on christmas eve and the store doesnt close till 9pm and i might not get out of there till 10:30 and i have to work tuesday evening...what fun....i still want to figure out why i am so down and not happy....i was in a good mood saturday...but i seem to have lost that yesterday...i dont know what to do...

2006-12-15T19:23:00.000-06:00

I hate playing the waiting game. Sometimes, I wish I was better at waiting. But even if I was good at waiting, I could only wait so long. I know what I want out of my relationship. But it seems like the other person doesn't. It does get annoying. I think some people know what I am referring to. But he wants to wait until I am done with school to even talk. I just don't understand why we can't talk about things right now. He just does not want anything to interfere with my school work. How does talking about it interfere with my school work? I am a little scared about him meeting my parents. I do believe in the old tradition of the guy asking to marry the daughter. I hope that he talks to my parents this spring break. But more than that I hope that he talks to me about things.

2006-12-12T12:16:00.000-06:00

Just taking a break from writing a paper that I have due tomorrow night. The other night while trying to fall asleep, I decided to change my topic a little bit. I am still dealing with the legal aspect of the European witch trials but focusing in on the use of torture and what the accused witches confessed. It is very interesting. Right now I am looking at a witch trial from Russia were they did not bother really looking at eyewitnesses but went straight to the torture chambers. I can go on about what I have been studying in that class. I am so glad that I took that class. I have learned so much about a topic that I virtually knew nothing about. I have also decided to work this Christmas break on my seminar paper and turn it in at the end of break. Everyone in my seminar class is doing this.

Christmas is coming soon. I hope to get my family's package out on time so they get it before Christmas. I need to grab a couple more things for my brother before I send it. I will probably do that tomorrow afternoon after I turn my paper in.Then I will probably mail it thursday. I also need to finish my christmas cards so that I can mail them too. :) busy busy me. At least I have my tree up. Ginger has been making snowflakes and we have them all over the apartment. Looking very festive in here. The snow is practically gone which makes me really happy. No more dealing with ice. Yippee. I am so looking forward to seeing Tim at the end of the month. I am excited to get to hang out with him and spend time with him and get to know him on a different level. I am also excited to get to spend time with his mother. I talked to her about an hour the other night.

Day after day, I realize how lucky I am. I have a wonderful family and I am getting to know a wonderful family. I am hoping that one day the two families will be one and everyone will know each other. I am feeling accepted into Tim's family. I hope that he will fell the same way when he visits my family in March. He is the best guy that I have ever meet. I miss him a lot when we are not together. I miss the way he treats me and interacts with me.

well, its back to this paper I have to write.

2006-12-06T14:03:00.001-06:00

we had a lot of fun decorating the hall too

2006-12-06T14:03:00.000-06:00

my christmas tree this year...ginger and i had a lot of fun decorating it :)

2006-12-06T14:02:00.001-06:00

it looks very peaceful...imagine driving on it :(

2006-12-06T14:02:00.000-06:00

snow from the first major storm of the year. It even canceled school December 1st :)

2006-11-30T15:31:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness, it is so freaking cold here. I mean cold. When I last look it feels like 11 degrees. It is supposed to get colder. Just like its supposed to snow tonight. But we will see what happens tonight/tomorrow. Classes were canceled tonight as the university closed. schools are closing and there is like no one on the road either. I tried to go out to get some gas in my truck and I quickly turned around and came back inside. My driver side door is frozen shut. So I will get gas on my way to work tomorrow. I miss having tim around me. I miss how he treats me and interacts with me. Need a warm body to curl up with right now and watch movies with him.

I am excited because I am getting to know some of tim's friends. I can't wait to learn more about his friends and interact with his friends. I hope if time allows it when I visit him in December to be able to throw a dinner party and have his friends over to his house with me being the hostess :)

2006-11-29T10:09:00.000-06:00

thinking bout the future and how thankful he is

2006-11-29T10:06:00.000-06:00

off of Arkansas 16 before getting to 7....tim takes great pictures...

2006-11-29T10:04:00.001-06:00

isnt he cute :)

2006-11-29T10:04:00.000-06:00

I really like this picture....this picture was taken at pinecrest bible camp

2006-11-29T09:45:00.000-06:00

I figured I out to up date this before starting working on my paper...I had a wonderful thanksgiving week. I enjoyed spending the holiday with tim. I was able to learn a lot about him and understand him a bit more. I am thankful for him and how he has helped me out. I alot of things have happened to me this past year and I owe Tim so much. He was with me every step of the way. He has also given me hope and dreams and a future.

In other news, it is supposed to get way colder this week. And the weather outlook after the initial drop in temp, it does not climb back up at all :( I don't want it to get cold. School is still keeping me busy. extremely busy. I can't wait for everything to be done and i can have some time off but that won't happen till may :(

2006-11-09T23:28:00.000-06:00

I was able to get a rough draft of my seminar paper done for today. I still have some work to do. But everyone enjoyed my paper because they learned a lot about the Chinese Exclusion law. A lot of comments that were made I will take to heart in reworking my paper. I do respect a lot of their comments and I think they will help me out with the final editions of my seminar paper. This weekend after work I will be doing a lot of writing and reading for my wednesday class. I have to play catch up because this past week or so I have been focusing on getting some down on my seminar paper. I am getting more and more excited about my thesis and my topic. Tonight after class I talked with some people in my class and they were extremely interested in the topic. one does not hear about the Chinese Exclusion Act in school at all any more. I am also learning about other topics too. I learned a lot last week about the ERA.

As each day passes, I am learning more about Tim and learning how to love him and how to care for him. The more I want him to be proud of me and the more I want to take care of him and be there for him. He has offered me so much and continues to offer me a lot. This past year has been a learning experience for us. It also has been a growing experience for us. we learned to rely on each other and draw closer to each other. Through our problems, we were able to solve them together and fall for each other. It is hard to believe that I could have missed out on finding the guy for me again. Who knows when we would have found each other again.

2006-11-06T08:24:00.000-06:00

Yeah for last semesters, but it is going to be a long upill battle to get to May. I am already facing an uphill battle right now to finish out this semester. I have a rough draft of my seminar paper due this week. I have quite a few pages written for it. But right now I really don't want to do anything with it. I also still have two 15-10 page papers to write for my other class. With looking at everything I have to between now and may, I can only finish it with determination and with the help of everyone. I have no desire to do anything. But I need to buckle down. Need some encouragement to buckle down. The end is so close and I am too exhausted after work to work on my papers. So I am going to try waking up early mornings to get the work done. hence thats why I am up this early morning. Yeah but no focus yet. But I am about to sign off, back my stuff up, and go somewhere quiet that I am not distracted. So off I go.

2006-11-03T20:46:00.000-06:00

GUESS WHAT EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regsistered for my final semester of grad school. At least I hope it is my last semester. As long as I stay on the ball, I should be able to finish. I can't believe it :) I am so excited!!!

2006-11-03T09:38:00.000-06:00

well i thought i would post again. I had a wonderful time in longview a few weeks ago. I got to hang out with tim and his family. Got to see Lisa and Kyle again. I miss seeing lisa. I wish i could see her more often. Received a surprise bday from Tim. He is amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am. I have been busy with school and work. Work is not too bad any more. I am still enjoying it. I have been working really hard on my papersI have due this semester. I have a rough draft of my seminar paper to be due next week. No fun at all. I need to get back to it before I have to go to work today.

2006-10-18T14:24:00.000-05:00

Here I am sitting at the library trying to focus and get some work done. I decided to spend the whole day at the library because some of the books I ordered thru interlibrary loan were library use only and had to be returned by october 22. It was a short time and it was a bummer that I could only use them in the library. I got what I needed from them. Right now I am taking full advantage of high speed internet. It is definately a change from the slow dial up. This morning leaving the house and arriving at campus, I realized i forgot some things. None were too important until I realized I left my folder of copies for my semiar paper at home. I have not decided if I was going to return to the apartment to pick it up or just forget about it. I was planning on leaving for texas after class. This would definately put a delay in my leaving. I have plenty of books with me and articles. But this is all secondary sources. What I have at home is primary sources. I think I should be good. I could start writing my introduction and then writing using my secondary stuff and add in all the primary sources when I get back. i am thinking that is what I am going to do. I finished majority of my work for class tonight. I just have to go back to my truck and get the change I forgot in the truck to make copies of an article that I need to read for tonight. I might do that soon. The sun is no longer out :(. I left my coat in the car because it was nice and cool outside. Not cold enough for a coat. But now it looks like it. I also have to pick up some books I found that I need for my other class that I noticed while looking through a bibliography that i wrote down where they were found but never picked up yet. I hope the day gets better, but who knows. Got to keep plugging away and not get too discouraged with what life tosses at me or due to my forgetfullness.

2006-10-04T12:28:00.000-05:00

As I come upon my 23rd bday tomorrow, I have realized how much things have changed over this past year. How much growing up and maturing I have done. How much I have learned to deal with the ups and downs of the real world. I have noticed that life is so much better with friends - rather old ones or new ones. I am so happy that I have friends here in springfield. I have no idea what I would do without my roommate and another friend from work. The three of us have been through a lot. We have helped each other in the darkest parts of life and have shared in the happy moments of life. I have a wonderful guy in my life. I owe him so much. I have no idea what I would do without him. He has given me so much. He has shown that I am important and valuable. He has cared for me so much. My family has been there too. I have realized how blessed I am this past year. Sometimes, I just do not realize it. When depressed and angry, one does not realize how placed he is.

2006-09-28T12:42:00.000-05:00

i am so lucky. I have been realizing this a lot quite recently. I have a wonderful guy in my life, school is getting close to being done, work is going ok, a family that cares and loves me. Tim and I had a wonderful weekend last weekend. We went to a friend's wedding. I enjoyed seeing old friends and seeing a dear friend tie the knot with her best friend. What I enjoyed seeing more than that was the fact that tim and I went as a couple. It reminded me of the old days were a girl of marrying age would have a coming out party. Tim and I had a coming out party as a couple. This was the first major outing we had as a couple. Tim handle everything well. I was impressed how things went during the wedding. I know I was nervous and I know he was too. But things went better then expected. We were also able to go out to dinner on an actual date. I put it as "doing things like a normal couple." Our relationship has been nothing like normal. But it fits us well because neither one of us is normal. I am falling more for him each day in the little things he does and how he treats me. I know for sure I could never ask for a better guy than him. He is a dream come true. Every little girl's dream of having a prince charming of finding their knight in shinning armor. The fairy tale dream. God had a plan for our lives and a plan for when we were brought back together. He also has a plan for our future. But right now His plan seems to be getting to know each other deeper but also the beginning of learning to be that perfect person for the other and for slowly blending to individual lives into one life.

2006-09-16T00:46:00.000-05:00

another pic of him...i should have some of him and i together soon...from easter's wedding next weekend

2006-09-16T00:45:00.000-05:00

my tim...cutting his cake for his surprised party two months late

2006-09-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

I know I talk a lot about Tim in my posts. But he is a very important part of my life. He has impacted me so much and he still does. I have done a lot of changing and developing since we started dating. I have noticed it in myself. Tim has noticed it and I am sure that others have. I have changed quite a bit since college. i was noticing that the other day. I am somewhat completely opposite than I was in school. In school I had nothing to do with getting married, cooking, taking care of someone, having a family, you know all that girly stuff. Lisa was more into that. But since Tim has come into my life as a boyfriend. I have been wanting that kind of stuff. I got this desire that will not go away. the desire to care for tim and take care of his needs. Another thing that has changed is that fact that I am happier and more giggly than usual. Also, i am spending less time concern about me and my needs. I am focused on tim's needs and concerned about him. Life does not revolve around me. I cant be in a relationship and focus on myself. thats not what a relationship is about. I have also been reading in a book that mom got for me that in order for someone to have a dating relationship or even get engaged, the people envolved need to be developed into the right person. In order to things to progess, i need to be exactly that person that tim needs. I need to have all that stuff developed. I can definately seeing myself developing more and more into that person. Life is going soo well for me. I have no compliants. I am counting my blessings daily. :)

2006-09-12T23:31:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness...God has blessed me with the most amazing guy ever...I could never dream that I would be dating a guy like Tim. He means so much to me. He has shown me so many things along with teaching me so much stuff. He is still teaching things and I hope will continue to teach me things. I was able to spend a very romantic and fun weekend with Tim up in the mountains in Arkansas. I was able to interact with his "second family." I was able to learn so much about him. We both were acting like high school kids in love. Many times this past weekend, I realized that i was falling for him and that I am learning to love this quiet patient godly man. The feelings keep getting deeper and deeper for him. He drives me crazy but thats in a good way. We actually been talking and discussing the future more. Seems like a lot of people are praying for Tim to live at the church camp his second family live at. We had a wonderful date tonight. Talking...on the phone. It was still wonderful.

School is going good. Well sort of. Papers and reading are definately keeping me busy busy busy. I cant wait to be done. I think I am already counting the days down. I can't wait to start a career and support Tim and take care of Tim. Excited about school being done. Tired of going to class and tired of having crazy deadlines.

2006-08-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

normally after a busy day at work like I had today, I would come home upset and depressed and really not in a good mood. But with a new attitude that I have had since coming back at the beginning of the month, I cam home happy and excited. I made work fun today. I had customers laughing at me cause I was singing "I got a double I got a double without pickle, yeah yeah yeah" I had crew laughing at me because I was acting like a little kid. One even mentioned the whole jinx thing was so 5th grade - this was coming from a 16 year old. I can see why a lot of the crew enjoy working with me. The answer is simple...im a goof ball. In other news, school has started and I have like soo many pages to write. I am swimming in pages not necessarily papers cause its not that many its just many many pages. One class I am basically writing a paper all semester so there really isnt classes to attend. the other one sounds like interesting. I am excited. we are studying witches and magic in the middle ages. I will let you know how that goes. I finally get to see tim next month. It will be like three months since I last saw him. I miss him a lot. I told tim that he is going to s wedding no matter what he says. Esther Z. is getting married next month...i cant wait :)

2006-07-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

i finally said something to someone today about some things and it didnt go over too well. it made me feel like everyone was out to get me. i did not want to ruin the friendship and i did not want to ruin things between tim and i. at the same time i did not really want to hurt anyone. it took me a while to figure out what was bothering me and how to say it. but thanks to tim and mom i was able to get the courage to say something today. i had to say it though. i couldnt pretend everything was going to be right this weekend. at first i wanted tim to deal with it but then he refused. he said that it was my place. i also refused to believe that, but it was true. he is amazing guy. i am learning a lot from him. Being patient being understanding dont rush into things think before i talk. i am sorry that i hurt someone but i couldnt let it go without saying something.

2006-07-27T19:09:00.000-05:00

I hurt my back big time...i have no idea what I did to it but I woke up with it hurting yesterday...and it hurts even more today...i hope nothing to serious is wrong with it....did not do a whole lot today...did some research this morning at the archives and then came to berkeley...was going to go to the library this afternoon but my back was not up for it..i cant twist turn sit or lay on it...plus i feel sick...my back hurting is affecting my mood and attitude...mom and tim are receiving the bulk of it.

yeah tim and i do not have a perfect relationship...we have realized that....we might come across as having one...but we really dont...maybe thats because we hid the impurities or problems well...but you know tim is amazing...he has to be one of the most patient guys ever...and is the best guy ever and yeah i know i am biased...who wouldnt be with a guy like tim..i know girls are jealous cause tim is an amazing guy but i know he only has eyes and feelings for me :)

ny research is going good..im enjoying every moment of it...been reading deportation files...very interesting stuff...but i will write more on that another time

2006-07-27T18:41:00.000-05:00

San Francisco (i can finally spell it :) )

2006-07-27T18:40:00.000-05:00

Alcatraz (if you can see it)

2006-07-27T18:39:00.001-05:00

Golden Gate

2006-07-27T18:39:00.000-05:00

portland, OR

2006-07-27T18:37:00.001-05:00

the space needle

2006-07-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

jen and i in seattle

2006-07-27T18:36:00.000-05:00

lisa and kyle leaving for the honeymoon :)

2006-07-27T18:35:00.001-05:00

Me, Jen, Lisa, Kyle, Lindsey, and Jonathan

2006-07-27T18:35:00.000-05:00

kyle wants you :)

2006-07-23T23:45:00.000-05:00

Greetings from inner city san francisco...drove down all day to arrive here early evening...well after being tourist at the golden gate bridge..man it was crowded there..got in right before like three or four or maybe five tour buses unloaded...It was hot between CC and SF but in SF its not that bad...windy along the bay and cool right now...but I am missing someone right now...i miss him soo much...i know that I have fallen for him soo hard...his quiet and loyal and hard working character...his sarcasim...his teasing....his laughter...his smile...everything bout him I miss...Someone once told me that we have a near perfect relationship...never explained why this person said it...but tim and i laughed at it...we know we dont have a perfect relationship....we are working on a lot of things...exploring who the other person is and working on communication....we both communicate differently...we don't need a book to tell us that....we needed four years of friendship to tell us that...but you know we are working through things....neither one of us are afraid to tell the other person what we are feeling or what we are thinking or if the other person did something to hurt one without meaning too....not thats what makes a relationship work...even a long distance one...but trust and respect and loyalty also plays a part in making a long distance relationship work. anyways...enough bout tim and how much i like him :)

i lost my other computer and picked up a new one. I need to post some pictures but before I can do that I need to download hello :( i hate downloading stuff, but oh well. I will try to do that soon. I have some great pictures of lisa and kyle's wedding, seattle, and redwoods and san fran...cant wait to share them with yall

2006-07-19T12:32:00.000-05:00

Today is Tim's birthday and I am stuck here in california. What fun :( I really wanted to celebrate his bday with him this year. But it fell at the wrong time. I know I will probably be celebrating other birthdays with him, there was just something special about this one. Considering what we both have been through this last year, it is amazing that he was able to make it through the year.

My thoughts when I am not talking to Tim is about Tim. The distance is sometimes hard because finding the time in our busy schedules to meet is not fun at all. We are looking at seeing each other once a month starting in September. So there will be two months when we do not see each other. Also, who knows what the holidays will bring either. It is amazing that we only been dating for 2.5 months sometimes it seems a lot longer than that because the only difference now than in february is a status and seeing more of each other. We still talk the same amount of time. I know that I have fallen hard for him. Who wouldn't. I know that he is perfect for me. Keeping me in check all the time too. :)

2006-07-19T01:36:00.000-05:00

well it has been a while since I posted last. Everytime I think I will be getting on top of posting more often and it looks like I am doing good. I tend to slack.

I am in california right now. Working on research for my stinking huge thesis paper. The topic is very interesting considering I actually dove into stuff today.

This past weekend was lisa and kyle's wedding. It was an amazing wedding. Lisa was a beautiful bride. And kyle was kyle. It was wonderful to be able to witness them tying the knot (about time :P ) But they both have been an important part of my life. It was an honor to have been there. I will try to post some pictures soon.

things with tim and I are going good. I was able to spend a week with him. Thats the longest time we have spent together in how many years - 4. We were able to help each other out so much and learn so much more about each other. Both of us are very excited to see where God leads us. :)

2006-06-16T00:55:00.000-05:00

one word over and over - soccer soccer soccer. I am so addicted to soccer...i guess its a good thing to be addicted only to soccer :)Germany beat poland yesterday in an on the edge of the seat game. It came down to the 91st minute (stopage time). OH I was so happy to watch germany win the game. I had watched it live and recorded it so I can watch it again. Yeah I know I am addicted to soccer. I dont have to watch the game live to be into it. I taped england vs trindad and tobago this morning due to work. I loved the game. I almost thought that trinidad would upset england but they seem to have lost it in the last 10 minutes of the game. England started to play like a team. But guess what. Tim is actually somewhat paying attention to the world cup on his own. It is exciting. He says he wants to know what I am talking about and wants to understand my interests. Isnt he so sweet. He is one amazing guy. I like him so much :)

well thats about it for now. back to a tapped soccer game

2006-06-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

Its that time again...time for being glued to the tv at all hours of the day...the time for yelling at the tv and for being loyal to the team....it is time for the World Cup. I can't believe it is finally here. I have been looking forward to this time of the year since the last world cup. I want Germany to win. I want Germany to beat Brazil. It is pay back for Germany. You might be thinking why not the US? Well there is a logical explanation for that but I do not really want to get into it right now. All I can say is that Germany is my team and I will root for the US when they are playing but I don't think they will progress that far. Especially after today's showing against the Czech Republic. Soccer is an amazing sport. Just not many people in the US are into soccer which is very sad. Some say soccer is a boring sport. I tend to disagree. It is an amazing sport. In what sport outside of soccer do you see enemies playing on the field and have good sportsmanship. Iran is in the world cup this year. You had Iraq in the olympics. Its amazing sport. Sometimes I think the national governments could learn a thing or two from soccer :)

2006-06-05T01:31:00.000-05:00

well...im posting again, and you are probably thinking that I am going to post about Tim. Well you are probably right and wrong. I am going to try to not talk about him too much. I don't want everyone to know that my life revolves around him. Which it doesnt. I was able to hang out with Ginger (my roomate) and Theresa today. We had a lot of fun. We went bowling at lighthouse today. We ended up going to glow bowl. Oh we had a lot of fun. Before we went bowling we went out for coffee. There is something about coffee and three girls that makes anyone feel better. We were all giggling and laughing and having fun. It did not seem like I was 22 but was more like I was a high schooler again. It is amazing to have friends. They can make life a whole lot better. Without them I have no idea how I would survive the last few months with them. They could always get me in a better mood and make me forget about my problems. They are amazing.

I was also able to chat some with my brother's girlfriend. She is one amazing girl and I happy to get to know her. She is excited about getting to know my parents better. I believe that she will fit perfectly in our family. If things work out between her and my brother I can see her being an amazing sister. Sometimes, I think we act like sisters. I know I care about her and want whats best for her and for my brother. But the two of them are perfect for each other. The more I talk to her the more I see how she is perfect for my brother.

I was also able to talk to lisa and aduma tonight. I miss talking to them both. I miss running down the hall and popping in on lisa and being spontanous with her. I miss the conversations she and I had in college. We also reminice about some fun times we had. I had not talked to aduma in a while so it was awesome to talk to him again. I miss all my friends from LU. I wish we could all have a big reunion and remember our fun times together and make new fun times. Plus it will be interesting to know what everyone is up to now.

well that is about it for now. see no mention of tim tonight. my entry does not revolve around him tonight.

2006-06-01T19:53:00.000-05:00

sometimes words cannot express the joy or happiness that someone is experiencing in their life...also words cannot thank God enough for bringing the joy and happiness into your life. Life is better when you notice the little things that God brings into your life. When you are angry at God, I know that I did not notice anything that I notice now. I know I ran away and blocked out that still calm voice telling me and guiding me. But when I finally realized and listened after the anger in my heart disappeared and after my bitterness left me, life started to get better. This not only happened in my life but also happened in the life of Tim. People are noticing things are different in our lives. This past weekend, I spent time with Tim and his family in Arkansas. while talking, B told me that she noticed that Tim was down and depressed last year and that she could see a change in him this visit. We were also able to enjoy each others company in a beautiful part of Arkansas. Yes arkansas has some very amazing and breath taking parts.

This weekend was a learning experience for both of us and it was a romantic and intimate weekend. We both were very vulnerable to each other. We saw the depth of each other's souls and deep into our hearts. Having someone knowing you that intimate and deep is a very scary feeling. First because you are opening up greatly and secondly because you are not sure how the other person would respond. Also when you are this intimate, you will definately hurt greatly if anything ever happens like a break-up. But Tim and I do not date around just to date. We also would not get this intimate unless we were serious about things and hope for a future. Considering what Tim and I have both gone thru, we believe that God brought us together for a reason. Considering since November of last year, we both have relied on each other greatly. When anything went wrong, Tim was the first person I called. Any time of the day. We would talk to each other bout things that we would tell no one else. So sharing things between us has never been a problem. But the intimate stuff was hard and scary. But we both got through it.

I was able to see Tim's past, present, and future all in one weekend. It was an honor to be shown that. In the process of Tim showing me this, I hurt it. It was really bad of me and it hurt me tremendously to have known that I hurt him. But the time I had by myself allowed me to compose myself again and give me time to think. After that, I was in a much better mood and felt more at home than anything. Another factor in wanting time alone was cause i was tired and that I wasn't feeling too well. But just knowing that you hurt someone you care so much about really breaks my heart. We were able to move forward. I learned a lot bout myself and Tim and how we interact.

We saw God's beauty over and over that weekend. Saw the sunrise over the river, saw various caves and trees, star gazing and saw two shooting stars. It is wonderful to be able to share and experience God's beauty with someone that you care so much bout. God confirms his love to me over and over.

2006-05-15T11:54:00.000-05:00

Since coming back from texas I have been very very busy. Writing two papers, working a ton of hours at work, and of course talking with Tim. Sometimes I am greatful for the distance between Tim and I. We are able to talk and get to know each other. Explore each other through interaction and sharing of our hopes and dreams. Not having to worry about the pressures of being in the same room or in the same town. We do not have to worry about always having to see each other. We make special plans to meet up and hang out. It is hard trying to explain it. But the distance between us is deeping our friendship and our dating relationship. The roots are going down deeper and deeper. Sometimes, he says that I know him better than he knows himself. The other day I was able to share with him what I thought his dream was without him even telling me what it was. I guessed what it was. I think God put it into my brain. I think he and I have the same dream to a certain extent. My dream is to make his dreams come true.

I cant believe school is almost over. One more final and then it is home free. Well not exactly home free. I still have three weeks of intense research to complete this summer. Then it is only one more year left before finishing up on my masters. Can you believe that. I know I can't. It will be here before I know it. I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I finally figured out what the desires that I had in my heart. I was able to understand myself. I am definately a new person at this point in time. I am so excited about that. :)

2006-05-10T12:08:00.000-05:00

Life is so much better when you have someone to share problems, struggles, the good times. It is amazing to have someone to run to for comfort and for help. I found myself over the weekend. Due to that, I have a new outlook on life and a new attitude toward life. Sometimes it seems like this guy and I are perfect for each other. We fit together perfectly. I would really want to know what God has in store for my life and our relationship. He was asked last night by a close friend of his, if he believed in second chances. The friend was asking about passing up on a girl and then she moved away, wondering if there was a missed opportunity and if they would ever have a second chance. Well, I know it is true. There are second chances and third chances and fourth chances and even fifth chances. T(my guy) and I have experienced having the chance or opportunity and passed them up. But God kept giving them to us until we finally listened to him. If its something God has planned for your life, those chances will come. Just pay attention and notice them. Don't let them drag out for four years. God will keep giving the chances to you, just dont be blind. He has the plan for your life all layed out. Just like He has a plan for my life and for T's life. I have no idea what the plan for our lifes together. But only time will tell. And I am sure we both will be paying more close attention to that small quiet voice guiding us through life. Sometimes, I wish I had listed to the quiet voice instead of ignoring it and running away from it. But God did not want me to run away but wanted me to run toward T. I have learned a valuable lesson. Listen to God. :)

more later like always

2006-05-09T13:28:00.000-05:00

I am like so happy, I can't deny it. Since this past weekend, I am in a much better mood. Well besides the fact of being sick. Being sick is not taking away from my happy feelings. I cannot hide the fact that I am happy. I am always smiling. Being happy is getting me through this week so far. I am always looking forward to calling him and I get excited when I see that it is him who is callin me. The heart races and dances. He makes me think so much. He challanges me in many aspects. Especially in spiritual matters. He just influences my life so much. The little things about him does wonders to me. I can't really explain it. If you were around when he called or when we were just finishing up talking, I am sure you would understand. A lot of people are kind of wary of a long distance relationship. But I think it will work in our favor. Yeah it is hard not to see him that much and often. But it makes the relationship be built and developed on many different levels. Its a part of building the foundation ontop of the friendship that could with stand almost anything. Our friendship has been able to with stand some troubling periods already. Only time will tell what everything would lead to. I know it will be something amazing and will be beyond my wildest dreams. :)

i have to stop now. I got to get this french paper done. will write more later :)

2006-05-08T12:17:00.000-05:00

I took off this past weekend. I had to get away from this place. Going to Texas was the best place to escape to. Plus I had numerous reasons to choose texas as my hiding place. first, a really good friend of mine was married friday afternoon. Second, graduation was saturday for LU. This means a lot of my friends were coming into town. Oh man, a lot of friends were in town that weekend. People that I have not seen for over two years, I got to see again. You should have seen the looks on their faces when they saw me. It was priceless. I enjoyed my time there. I did not want to come back. I wanted to stay there. It took everything out of me to come back here to springfield.

Something exciting also happened this weekend. It is a very long story and as this certain guy says the past four years could be developed into a hallmark movie. This story takes us back to the summer between my first year of college and my second year of college. I met this guy who worked with physical plant. He and I went out a few times. But not many. He took me out for my birthday. We had an amazing time. I liked him that year of school.We talked quite a bit on the phone and whenever we saw each other around campus. But I was not sure of what he thought or felt. (i do know now but thats for later). So I began to pull away and continue on with my wonderful college career. Talking to him when I saw him, but not really going out of my way to talk to him.

Graduation time came and we parted our own ways. I did try to look for him in order to stay in contact with him, but I couldn't find him. So I left longview without looking back. Life continued moving along until i think the beginning of 2005 when out of the blue, I thought about this guy. Decided to try to email him. I am so happy that it went through. He tells me know that it was a big surprise because he thought he would never hear from me again. Little did we know what caused me to email him or what would develop from that email. We started talking on and off again. Just catching up with each others lives. When I visited LU for spring break that year. I caught up with him and was able to talk to him. But at that time I was seeing someone. So we talked for a few and then he left me an update about his last year that included his number on it. For some reason this paper stayed with me. It made the trip down to Houston and back to SPringfield. Surprisingly.

Life seemed to be going good until the guy I was dating left me last year. During the first week or so, I found this update with this number on it. So I was like, why not call him. I could always turn to him when I had problems. Talking to him has helped me so much. We are both dealing with all sorts of stuff. A lot of the stuff is somewhat the same. We were talking all the time. Every spare moment we had we were talking. He would be available to talk any time of the day or night. He was always there for me. After talking for a few weeks like this, I began to get scared. Decided to back off some. I had no idea what was going on with me. I was scared to open up to him cause of the possibility of getting hurt.Then after Christmas I started talking to him again more and more and more. Even more than what I was doing before. I was sharing everything with him. He was doing the same with me.I loved all the times we talked. I loved the fact that he was available to be there for me whenever even at 5:30 in the morning. We planned a weekend for him to come up and visit me. The week leading up to that weekend, I got scared again. I pulled away. I completely disappeared from him. I did not talk to him nor want to see him. I was afraid of his intentions. I was not sure why he was coming to visit. I was even more afraid of getting hurt. This time when i pulled away from him, I did not talk to him from that first weekend in march to easter. He sent me an easter card. This totally surprised me. Oh it broke me down. I called to talk to him but couldn't get a hold of him. This sent panic through my body. I was afraid that I did something. That I lost a friend. During the time that I did not talk to him, I thought about all kinds of stuff.

The most recent chapter to this saga started when he offered Trina and I his house for graduation weekend. He had made plans to stay with his mom for that weekend. I was surprised that he offered. I wasnt sure what to do. I almost said no. But I decided against it. Trina and I took him up on it. This is something I now do not regret.

I loved every moment with him. I loved the times he and I had together. I loved the times we talked. I loved the fact he did like anything I wanted to. He let me make the rules for the weekend. Lets just say I found a wonderful guy to turn to. A guy that I can rush to when I am sad or when I am happy. I guy that will catch me in his arms and will hold me tight and let me cry on his shoulder. Then he will wipe the tears away for me. The one thing I was afraid of was that I would not be ready for any new relationships. But during one of the movies we watched the question came up -can a wounded heart love again. Both him and I agree that one can. The movie proved that one can (movie was love comes softly). We agreed to give each other a try. We want to see what happens. We decided to take our friendship to the next step - a datin relationship. I have not stopped smiling since we talked about it. On the phone last night to help me drive home, we were talking. he made the comment that he hadnt heard me giggle or laugh like I was in a long time, and it felt good to hear me do that again. I am so happy. :)

So that is the most basic story there. There is alot more to it. i will probably write more later as time progresses.

In other news, after talking to dr j and this special guy, I have made the decision to finish up school. I am going to be changing things up in my life. I am going to be looking for a new job. But I want and I need to finish up my degree before I do anything else. :)

well thats all for now. I have to get back to my paper. It has to be done before tonight when I go to work.

2006-04-28T14:48:00.000-05:00

Life has been moving along here at a somewhat busy pace. I have two homes now. I spend more time at one than I do the other. I should just buy a sleeping bag and camp out at mcdonalds. Monday night I worked from 9pm to 10am. Figure out how any hours that was. Then I turned around and worked 9pm to 5am tuesday night. I also worked out an hour before work monday night. Wednesday night I took the ASFB test for the military.

Yeah a new development. I am looking at joining the army right now. I scored really high on the ASFB test. So pretty much I qualify for any job in the military. I am excited. The job I really want to do is to be both a linguist and an interigator (sp?) I am working out twice a day. Boy I am feeling much better working out. I also changed up my diet. Eating a lot healtier. Its good to lose weight and feel good about myself and like how I look. I have not decided if I want to go straight in as an officer or enlist as an E-4 (pays 1600 a month). Both ways have their pros and cons. I do not know what I should do right now. The parental personal arent too keen on the idea. Seems like they are trying to talk me out of it. But I do not think that is going to happen. I am going to do what I want to do and not what others want me to do. I am also getting really tired of school. I am so burned out by school. It takes so much out of me just to go to classes somedays and even to do the homework. I am so close to finishing but I think a break would do me good. Plus, if I am in the military, they would be paying for the rest of my education. I am definately thinking about joining. I am entering the process right now. Got all kinds of forms to fill out and documents to retrive. But I could be in by Aug if I wanted to be. So many choices to make. We will have to see what happens.

thats bout all the news right now. My computer is being a butt head. so i am going to stop for now.

2006-03-31T11:52:00.000-06:00

I thought I would update thie before I crash for the day. My life has been so stressful this month. I can't wait till I can be the free care person. For those that do not know, the ex has excalated the harassing and the threats. He actually showed up at work. I was smart enough not to talk to him. I had another manager take care of it, and there was more threats involved between the ex and the other manager and me. He is getting his stupid friends to call me all the time and filling false complaints against me at work. Good thing I have a wonderful boss that believes me and is protecting me. I went Monday to file a restraining order. But that was denied. I have a hearing next friday at 8:30. The judge wants to hear more about the problem. My boss is going to press harassment charges against him too. I am trying to not let it affect me, but sometimes it does. I have changed my cell phone number. So if anyone wants me new number let me know. I am also working on changing other numbers. I cant even do my job at work anymore. That is totally driving me crazy. I have awesome friends at work. One of them is staying with me until things settle down some. She will also be me roommate in a couple of months. I can't wait. Its good to have someone else around. I miss having someone around. The ability to talk to someone whenever. To hang out and talk or play games or talk about boys.

Yeah I talk about boys, but I am anti-boy. I can't see how I can ever trust a guy again. This is so totally opposite of me. I could trust guys but not girls. But now some of my closest friends are girls. We have mini girl parties over the weekend. Gets my mind off of things. Seriously, are there any guys out there that don't want to use girls or don't always think about getting us into beds. The new roommate and I don't wear anything skimpy, we both dress pretty modestly. But guys still want to get us into bed. When they find out that we are not interested in that or that we are virgins still, they turn and runaway like we are diseased or something. We both are having issues with boys. Why can't they just be our friends? What is wrong with a girl/guy friendship that has no pressure of being anything more? Why can't they just accept the fact that some girls do not want to have sex with every single guy that they met, that they are waiting for that perfect guy. (this is very rare) I am proud to be in that majority. I enjoy being unique and rare. Why can't guys just accept that. I am not going to change my mind. I am waiting. Waiting for some guy to come along and impress me. The guy that smiles when I walk into the room. The guy that encourages me and respects me and my wishes. I also expect him to be a virgin. Because I waited and I feel that he should wait too.

Why do things happen to people? Why do these things happen to me? Why did I invest so much time and emotions in the ex? Why did I not see his lies? Why why why? I want answers. But sometimes, I do not get the answers I want. Maybe I might not even get answers. That frustrates me so much. Because I want answers. Why do things happen to certain people and not to others? Why am I being scared and afraid to do anything? why do I feel so useless and helpless sometimes? Why can't the world ends as we know it right now? OH I have plenty of more whys but I will save those for another time. :)

I just want to throw my hands up into the air and say I give up. Surrender. Raise the white flag. I do not want to take it anymore. I want things to be like they used to. Give everything up to God. Let him take control. I need to spend time on my knees. Surrendering my life to God. Let Him worry about my problems. Let Him take care of my problems. Let Him protect me. I want to feel His arms around him, holding me tight to his chest. I want to hear that He loves me and that he is here for me. That he has a plan. That everything will work out. That I am not going thru this just to go thru it. I want Satan to leave me alone. I do not want to be a slave to him. I want to be a servant to the Living God. The God that has shown over and over that he is here for us. We just need to let him be in control. I want Satan to stop ruining my life, stop interferring with what the True God wants me to be and wants me to do with my life. I have had problems with trying to be in control. I have been working on it, but sometimes its hard to surrender. But I am surrendering my problems to him right now. I want him to take care of everything. God has the power to go poof and the problem disappear. I believe that I will get thru this even tho right now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But soon. So soon I will see that light.

I miss my friends from LU. But I know they will always be there for me. Thats what I miss most about LU - the people, my friends. Have to count the blessings. That is what keeps me going sometimes. Thinking bout the wonderful things that God has given me. That he has blessed me with. The friends from LU. The friends I have here. (yes I do have friends here :P ) The wonderful boss I have. She is so amazing and so wonderful. She is there for me thru all this stuff. Even tho sometimes I do not like my job, I am happy to have a job. I am happy that I stayed here. The weather is getting nicer. And so much more.

i think my brain is running on empty right now. It is time for bed. I will keep ya'll updated on whats happening. Miss ya'll

2006-03-09T07:17:00.000-06:00

For the past couple of months, I have been going about my business. Moving on with my life. Enjoying myself. Then out of the blue the ex comes back in the picture and is trying to make my life miserable. He did not know that I was still here. He thought that I moved cause that was what the last thing I told him. Then he showed up where I worked the other day. Since then he has had people calling me and harrassing me and slandering me. It is so stinking annoying. I am living my life and I am happy that I am no longer with him. I just want him to leave me alone.

Other than that not a whole lot has been happening. There are some really awesome people that come thru at night. I was told tonight that I was a really nice person. That made me smile. I was also able to talk with some people that I have not talked to in a while. My nights have been great. Except for the fact that tuesday night I had a guy NCNS (no call no show) and I had to find someone to replace him. But I could not find anyone. So I had to have the assistant GM come in and work.

This Saturday night there are plans in the works of going bowling. Me and two other girls from work are going there. Then some people I know from DT might come too. I am happy to find friends and actually be doing stuff. Makes life better.

I was going to write something profound. But I will later. Maybe today or this weekend. So be looking forward to it.

2006-03-02T13:32:00.000-06:00

i am jealous of tammy...her pics of antartica are wonderful..i would love to see this place in person

2006-03-02T13:31:00.000-06:00

more pics from tammy....isnt this amazin...takes my breath away

2006-03-02T13:10:00.000-06:00

This time last week, the weather was cold. Now it is really nice outside. We hit 70 something yesterday. It is amazing how fast the weather can change. It also reminds me of how fast life's situations can change. A year ago, I thought I had life figured out. Then a couple of months ago, life went crazy. I am slowly putting my life back together. Things seem to be going good right now. There is hope for the future. I guess the saying is true that things have to get worse before they get better. Sometimes I have to be in the Will of God in order for things to be going good. I am remembered of the verse (summarizing) all things work together for those who believe in God. I am constantly reminded of Bible classes I have had and what I have been taught in them. God promises are enduring and are forever.

I think I have finally found a church home. It is an amazing place. I am looking forward to getting plugged in and meeting people. Also, it is different to be worshipping with your boss. It just opened my eyes to a different side of him. But I love the fact that I can worship with him as a sister in Christ and as an employee of his. I have also been hanging out with a girl from work. She and I had so much fun last saturday when we hung out. We are looking at doing it again this weekend. I can't wait. We are also making plans to go to Silver Dollar City at the end of the month. It is a Christian Youth Weekend there. Audio Adrenaline is going to be there. Plus many others. Including a lot of speakers and there will be a lot of praise and worship sessions. It is less than 40 dollars for the whole weekend including entrance fees to the park. I can't wait to go. I think it will be a wonderful time. Who knows what kind of people I will meet.

Work has been work. Some nights it has been really bad and other nights have been ok. This past week has had more bad nights then good nights. Last night was i think the only good night this week. I saw a guy that used to come thru often but had not been thru in a while. It was great to talk with him again. I just wish I did not have to work tonight. His band is playing a gig tonight. I really want to go and see it. But I got to work :(. But he said he will come by and let me know when their next gig would be. He would love for me to be there. I can't wait. Maybe having friday and saturday nights off could be a plus. :)

I am glad I have stayed here. Things have definately looked up for me. I only hope they keep getting better. Who knows what will happen. As long as I am doing what God wants me to do, they can only get better.

I just need to remember to continue looking up for direction. Can't be afraid to ask for directions :)

2006-02-11T17:55:00.000-06:00

another picture of Tammy's ship taking on the waves

2006-02-11T17:53:00.000-06:00

Tammy's ship south of the Anartica circle

2006-02-11T17:52:00.000-06:00

coastie officer Tammy somewhere near Antartica

2006-02-11T16:04:00.000-06:00

Everytime I think I will update this more often, I tend to be even busier. Yeah life has been on the extreme busy side. Sometimes I cannot even find time to spend alone doing something I enjoy anymore. Sometimes I just want to get away from everything. From work, from school, from life. Sometimes I do not know what drives me day to day. What gets me thru each and every day. I have no clue. I do not know what makes me keep going.

Some nights work is good and other nights work totally sucks. I miss working friday and saturday nights. Those are the best nights to work. There are some pretty cool people that come to the drive thru. They definately like me over the other overnight manager. they have told me that many many times. They say I am nicer and more friendly. I make them smile when they come thru.

School is not going to be that bad this semester. Not going to be like last semester at all. I am excited about my classes this semester.

I have some pics from Tammy of Antartica. I will post them soon.

2006-01-23T02:58:00.000-06:00

I thought I would post. I am taking a break from reading. Unfortunately, school started this past week. Classes are going to be ok. They do not have a lot of work for. Each contain a 15 page paper with two book reviews. Nothing like last semester. I do have a lot of reading. But did not spend as much money on books as last semester. So I am happy about that.

I am moving on with my life. Everyone has been wonderful in helping me. I appreciate it. I do not know how I could move on without you guys.

Christmas break was awesome. I loved seeing my family again. The only thing that stunk about it was the rain. Oh the rained. It rained and rained and rained. I think the sun came out for like maybe a couple hours. Christmas was fun. My parents were teasing me cause i was so into our tradition of one person picking out a gift for everyone and sitting down and opening them one at a time. I was also was the photographer. Oh I got some great pictures.

I also had the opportunity to meet my brother's girlfriend. She is an awesome girl. I had fun talking with her and interacting with her when I could. She has a good head on her shoulders. I am looking forward to continue to getting to know her. I also had the opportunity to met up with Tammy in Seattle. (Seattle is an awesome place if u had time to explore it. I saw what i could in a day)It was great to talk to her and she her in person. We have grown to be closer since then. A lot of the same stuff has been happening to us. Right now she is on her ship on her way to Antartica. Which I think is amazing.

well its back to reading I go. Talk to you all later.

2006-01-09T22:02:00.000-06:00

my brother said not to share his pictures. But I am giving him credit for taking this picture.

2005-12-27T13:34:00.000-06:00

ok....enough time in the slow lane...i am ready for my fast pace life again..i miss the excitment and stress of going to work and school..I miss it a lot. I have had enough time to relax. I think I am refreshed and ready for the next couple of years. Sometimes coming home is not relaxing. Mom does not believe in sleeping in late and laying around in pjs and not doing a thing. That is what I have been wanting. Just doing nothing. There is refreshes my body to be able to do that. Even the dogs do not believe in sleeping in. They like to wake me up as soon as they get up. Whats with beginning the day at 7 everyday. Why not postpone it and begin it at like 10 or so :)

This past week I was able to catch up with a friend from LU who I have not really chatted with in a long time. Some of you my remember her. She went to LU my freshmen year (2001-2002) and then transfered. Her name is Tammy. I remember late nights playing catch phrase with her and shari and jesse and various other people. Oh those were fun and simpler times. Things seem to be going her way. She is an office in the Coast Guard and has a wonderful boyfriend and is station in Seattle. When I go up there next week, I am going to spend some time and catch up in person with her. Friends are wonderful. I have many of them throughout these US. I love catching up with these friends. I was talking with Lisa last night and was saying that I miss LU. I dont miss the classes or the politics, but I do miss the people - the friends I have there and made there. Friends that will last a life time, friends that are more like brothers and sisters than anything else. The type of friends I miss having in springfield.

2005-12-24T18:39:00.000-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

May God Bless you today!!!

Remember to thank God today

2005-12-22T22:41:00.000-06:00

It seems so strange to not have to do any homework or go to work. I have no idea what to do with myself. My life has been in the extremely fast lane for such a long time. This town and life here is in the extremely slow lane. Hard to adjust to it and also hard to not be on the go go go all the time.

I made it home last night after a rough start at the airport in springfield. I feel I had my rights violated and was treated like a criminal.I do not want to even get started but all I can say is you better watch out TSA you just messed with the wrong gal. :)

Strange to be home. Mom and dad should the house I spent a lot of years in and built their own home this past summer. Dont get me wrong it is a nice house. I am not used to being here. I have no bedroom and all my stuff is packed up and in the garage. sometimes it feels like i am just a guest visiting, not family. my brother will not give up the guest room so i am making friends with the couch.

I am tired so that is about it for now. I am trying to catch up three weeks of hardly no sleep. I went from 3 or so tuesday morning to midnight weds night with no sleep. This break is going a time to catch up on sleep :)

oh check out my brother's blog....he has a lot of interesting thoughts on there...

2005-12-12T16:29:00.000-06:00

PAPER!!!! whats that...

i am having so many problems righting my paper. This paper is stretching me in so many ways. It is hard to interpret pictures and facts and come up with your own theory. The hardest part is backing it up and supporting it. Yeah it is gonna be a busy semester when I actually sit down and write my thesis cause I am having so many problems with this paper. I might have to make myself scarce and eat sleep and live the paper.

HEAT....its a good thing to have...

my heater went out yesterday and a really awesome maintaince guy who I am indebt to fixed it today. I am so glad that he fixed it. I never knew how it was to not have heat during the middle of winter. Now I know and I dont ever want that to happen again. But i was able to experience winter like a lot of people in poverty. I am so thankful that it works now. :)

back to that paper....will post on the other end of finals week

2005-12-09T18:47:00.000-06:00

Why do we invest so much time in things when we have no idea what the out come will be. Why do we spend so much time on relationships and not knowing what will come about. Why spend time dating a guy to have them to just leave you. Why spend so much time in school. why why why. I have been having a lot of why questions lately. I know I will not have answers to them but I can think about them.

Sometimes I wonder why I went on to graduate school. It takes so much out of me. History this and history that. Paper on this and paper on that. Paper not indepth enough. Paper needs more primary sources. Paper needs a clear thesis. You need to prove an idea with your paper. Dr. J said that graduate school would be tough but I was not expecting it to be this tough. For my MesoAmerica class, I have known about this 50 page paper all semester. I have been working on it all semester. But I am still no where close to being done. Recently I changed the thesis of the paper causing me to start all over. The people group I am writing about is still the Mixtecs. I started out wanting to look at the religion and rituals of them (which is very interesting). Since writing a source document paper over the primary source I am using - the Codex Nuttall, I have changed. I am looking at the dates in the Codex Nuttall and looking if they continuous actual history or did the writers combined actual history and mythical history with out separating them. Does that make sense? It is hard to explain but that is the best I can without showing you in person what I am doing. I am working on a database and all that fun stuff. The problem I am having deals with calculatin 12 reed 6 rabbit into english years :) However I believe that this is going to be worth it because next semester there is going to be a Latin American Conference on campus. And if my work is good enough then I can present my paper at an actual historical culture. My professor believes that it is worth presenting cause the topic is new and interesting. I just hope I can live up to his expectations.

There is also the frustration on narrowing my thesis topic down to a specific issue and formulating a thesis and then trying to find evidence for it. May ask - is it worth it? At this point in time, I have no clue if it is worth it or not. There are many times, I would have liked to call it quits but I have not yet. I am learning so much. I have classes next semester about France since 1815 and the Reformation. They sound awesome. I learned a lot about France till 1815 and I am looking forward to learning the rest of French history. I have never really studied the Reformation and I am so stinking excited about learning more about it. Plus I enjoy both of these teachers. They are not the hardest but they are not the easiest.

I guess I will find out if graduate school is worth it when I am finish and I have that piece of paper saying I have a master's degree and a bound book of my thesis.

Well, thats about it for now. Back to work I go.

2005-12-08T11:13:00.000-06:00

GUESS WHAT I woke up to this morning???

SNOW!!!!!!!!

It has been freezing here the past week or so. The high has been lower 30s. I do not think that it has been above freezing at all. Tonight it is supposed to get down to 2. That is so stinking cold. I am looking forward to the warmer (40-50s) weather at home.

School is almost done for the semester. Just a 50 pager and then a presentation for tonight. Then the semester is like over!!! I am so happy. School has been going ok this semester. I am looking forward to classes for next semester. :)

Work is work. I got a nice paycheck the other day. I am going to have fun Christmas shopping. Most of it I am going to do when I get home. But I need to get on the ball and send Trina a gift that actually is not late. I am very bad about sending her stuff weeks later :(

Well back to my paper. Stay warm

2005-11-26T21:01:00.000-06:00

I GOT ACCEPTED TO UNK!!!!!!!

I am so excited. I cant wait to move to Kearney and be closer to Jen. It is also hard to believe that this time next month I will be home. I am excited about that.

I am going to miss working at the McDonalds that I am working at. There are some good workers and people there. Also some cute guys :)

Well, i have to get back to writing some papers.

later all